


something wrong

by amybri2002



Series: pride month!!! [22]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Gen, Human AU, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Questioning Sexuality, aromantic!logan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:07:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24863548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amybri2002/pseuds/amybri2002
Summary: Logan feels like there’s something wrong with him. Patton helps him to realise there isn’t.
Relationships: Logic | Logan Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: pride month!!! [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1769050
Comments: 10
Kudos: 71





	something wrong

**Author's Note:**

> day twenty two!!!! today’s prompt was ‘self discovery’. this was a lot of fun for me to write (although i am sorry for. the bit in the middle haha sorry pat). i hope y’all enjoy this <3

Whenever anybody asked Logan who his celebrity crush was, he never knew what to say. Same with when he was asked when he was going to get a girlfriend, or if he liked anyone from his class. Or when they were doing a writing exercise in English and had to describe their dream date or their dream girl and Logan couldn't picture anything for the life of him.

He would sometimes lay in his bed at night, staring at the ceiling, and try to figure out what was _wrong_ with him. No matter how hard he tried, he could never imagine himself in a relationship with a girl, couldn't even figure out why somebody would _want_ that. Every time his friends would inform him of a new girlfriend, he'd always just scoff and ask them why, and they'd always look at him like he was insane. So he'd clarify, asking them why they wanted to be in a relationship in the first place, and then his friends would get offended and leave, and he never understood that. He supposed that having a girlfriend _could_ be nice, somebody to talk to perhaps, but... well, the idea of kissing and holding hands with a girl didn't appeal to Logan at all.

So, for a while, he thought that maybe the problem was that he was trying to imagine himself with a _girl_. He was fourteen when he first learnt what the term 'gay' meant - a sheltered upbringing paired with growing up in a fairly conservative town meant he'd never been told about any of that, or even thought to question it - and, for a while, he considered that maybe the reason he wasn't 'falling in love' with any girls was because he was _actually_ attracted to guys. He experimented a little - not a lot, more just looked at some guys and tried to figure out why he didn't particularly want to date any of them either, or why he didn't find any male celebrities particularly attractive.

He thought that maybe this whole crisis would be put behind when when he met an actual gay person, by the name of Patton - a new student in his class, who'd quickly warmed up to him. He was bubbly and sweet and kind of cute, in a way, with curly hair and round glasses and a contagious smile. Logan enjoyed his company, loved how Patton would listen to him to info-dump and how Patton would sometimes sing and how Patton would always sit with him and talk, no matter what. A couple months into their friendship Patton asked Logan to be his boyfriend, and Logan didn't really see a reason to refuse. Patton was nice and Logan wouldn't have minded spending the rest of his life with him, so being his boyfriend would make sense, right?

That crisis was over. He was gay, probably, and did want a relationship, maybe. With Patton, specifically.

Except... things still didn't feel right. He somewhat felt the desire to go on dates now, he supposed - any time hanging out with Patton was perfect, and the fact that they now referred to these outings as 'dates' didn't really change a thing - but Logan still found himself... pushing Patton away. Patton would kiss him sometimes, even just tiny pecks on the cheeks, and every kiss left a weird feeling in Logan's stomach. Patton would always greet Logan with a hug in the morning, which he did before anyway but as a couple it felt different, and Logan wasn't sure if he liked it. Even the word 'boyfriend' tasted sour on his tongue, like it didn't describe the relationship he wanted with Patton.

When things started becoming even more physical with Patton, Logan said nothing. He allowed Patton to kiss him and hold hands and cuddle him during movie nights, because he hated the sad look on Patton's face whenever Logan would push him away. He tried not to show how uncomfortable he was during all of this, because _logically_ he shouldn't have been uncomfortable with any of it - he _did_ love Patton, Patton was the _most_ important person in his life, he just... didn't seem to love Patton in the way he was _supposed_ to.

Maybe those kids from school were right. Maybe Logan _was_ incapable of real love.

Eventually, it all became too much. Logan... didn't want to do this to Patton, but he didn't want to hurt Patton, or himself, any more. So, one day, Logan sat Patton down for a talk.

"I..." Logan was usually so good with words, so why was he struggling now? "I- I can't do this."

Patton frowned. "Can't do... what?"

" _This_." He breathed in and out. "Us. I- I love you Patton, I really do, but..."

"Are you... breaking up with me?"

Logan glanced down the floor, unable to bear the look in Patton's eyes. "I... think it's best for us to do so." 

Patton fell silent, and that _broke_ Logan, to the extent that he felt like he may cry. He didn’t know _why_ \- he wasn’t exactly happy in a romantic relationship with Patton, so really ending things should make him feel better, right? Or maybe...

“It’s nothing to do with you,” Logan promised, looking back at Patton only to find Patton avoiding his gaze. “It’s... It’s me, really. I- I think you’re amazing and perfect and I absolutely love being your friend, I wouldn’t even mind still being in a... close relationship to you, I just... All this _romantic_ stuff doesn’t feel right. I don’t- I don’t think I’m into guys, really.”

Patton frowned. “Are you straight, then?”

“No, I...” Logan breathed in. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve never- I’ve never really had the desire to be in a close, physical relationship with anyone. You’re... You were the first people I could actually _imagine_ myself spending a significant amount of time with, but... I don’t know, being your boyfriend just feels...” He trailed off. He didn’t know how to explain himself, and Patton only seemed to be growing more and more upset. 

Logan stood up, going to pace around the room. It felt weird sitting still, with Patton staring at the floor. _Surely_ there was something wrong with him - if he loved Patton so much and it _hurt_ him so much to end things with him, why didn’t he want to be in a romantic relationship with him? It didn’t make any sense. 

Logan ended up going home, parting ways with Patton. They were still... sort of friends, he supposed, but things still felt weird between them. Perhaps because Logan knew how Patton really felt about him, and it pained Logan that he _physically_ could not reciprocate those feelings. He wanted to, wanted to have that closeness they used to have even before they dated, but... things weren’t the same. 

Until another day, a month or so after things ended, when Patton approached Logan and sat down. “I have something you may find interesting,” he said.

Logan raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?” It had been ages since Patton had gotten straight to the point like this - over the past month, they’d settled into a routine of awkward smalltalk before the real conversation.

“I was doing some research the other night,” Patton said, “because of some stuff you said when... y’know.” Logan did know, and he didn’t particularly want to be reminded about it. “You said that you... didn’t feel the desire to be in a romantic relationship, right?”

Logan nodded. “Yes. I- I don’t know. It just... feels uncomfortable, imagining myself in one.” He didn’t mentioned that he’d also felt uncomfortable _being_ in one, for fear that that may upset Patton more than necessary.

“Yeah, so, I found this term some people use,” Patton continued. “A couple terms, actually. I...” He dug through his bag and handed a notebook over to Logan, with a page filled with definitions open. The very first one struck Logan in a way he’d never felt before.

**aromantic:** _a lack of romantic attraction_

Logan blinked, over and over again. That... “There’s a word for that?” he whispered, glancing back at Patton.

A small smile grew across Patton’s face. “Yeah. I- I don’t know if that’s you, but... I don’t know. You said you thought that something was wrong with you, but there... there’s other people who feel the same way.” 

“I’m not alone.” Logan scanned over the rest of the definitions, making some mental notes to research more into it later. But after a while of sitting in silence, Logan smiled and turned back to Patton. “Thank you. I- I think I...” He didn’t finish. Patton just smiled back, looking happy that Logan had figured something out.

Logan still didn’t know what to say when people asked him about crushes or relationships, but at least now he knew _why_ he never knew what to say. He didn’t feel like he needed a romantic relationship, and that was fine. There was nothing wrong with him, at all.


End file.
